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Julia Roberts

You know how you have that one thing that you’re super self-conscious about?

Without going into all the gory details, let's just say I had an eyetooth extracted near my brain and placed back into my mouth in Junior High. Over time, this chicklet has become increasingly more yellow than the rest of my teeth.

I thought I had stopped caring about this discolored tik tack until my dentist said, "You know we can try whitening your teeth if you like. There is no guarantee it will brighten this one, but we can try.”

Wait. I am giving you money to make my teeth appear whiter when in actuality that might not happen?

Let’s do it!

Today, for the first time in 51 years, I had my chompers professionally whitened. If you have yet to experience this for yourself, here are some valid concerns prior to:

1. You’re going to need to block your afternoon.

2. At some point you will look like the Abominable Snowman from Rudolph the red nosed reindeer - please take a picture of yourself to share with friends! This is my only regret.

3. From this day on, you will need to drink your coffee, wine and soda through a straw.

4. Your teeth will feel uncomfortable and sensitive for 24 hours because vanity is not free. Neither is getting your teeth whitened.

5. You will be held hostage in a chair for at least one hour. The technician will insert a mouth speculum while handing you gigantic yellow protective eyewear telling you not to move a muscle. Breathe through your nose, and if you start to have a mental break, raise your hand. You will not be able to read, text, or do anything at all except be with your own thoughts for sixty minutes. Just act normal.

I decided to make use of my time and pray. I have heard this is what some people do to help them feel more calm. Here is what it sounded like, “Dear Jesus, please make teeth more white. You and I both know I cannot afford veneers. Amen.”

Only 59 minutes to go.

I began thinking about all the women who had just been on retreat with me and started praying for each of them one by one. My mind would wander, and then I would come back, just in time for another to pop up. And on it went for the entire hour.

By nature, I’m a 5 minute prayer one and done type of gal. But I have to say, after 60 minutes, I do feel more calm.

Also, it worked so I kind of feel like Julia Roberts. If you see me smiling harder than usual, it's because my prayers were answered.

I love you, Michelle

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