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A Little Help

Dear Professional Mediators and Calm People Everywhere,

I have a few questions in which I am fairly certain you will be able to provide assistance with. You speak fondly and often of “witnessing your breath”.

My first question is do you provide some type of manual for this?

We inhale this invisible, mysterious mist which delivers oxygen to organs, vessels, ports, and calls of duty… but for someone who breathes shallowly through their face and neck and solely into their shoulders, are modifications available?

Next question: is there a shortcut for “witnessing”? You know, like a straight shot to observing thoughts come and go like clouds floating across the sky without judgment. For example, how do I stop thinking about making my mammogram appointment, running to Costco for Pita Chips, or getting the oil changed in my Prius?

And finally, how long will it take me to: lower my blood pressure, gain an increased sense of well being, and feel more connected to myself, others, and God?

Okay, I am ready for any and all of your sage wisdom. Let me get a pencil because I want to take notes.

When I become still, that is where the Creator sneaks in. Hold up. That seems kind of shady. This makes me immediately want to batten down the hatches and possibly start singing sea shanties as a distraction, and I don’t even know what those are.

The Creator is always here, residing within me all the time. If I stop, drop, and get quiet, the chatter will decrease in volume providing a portal of increased communication between us, reminding me of who I came here to be.

Wow. Okay.

This Divine Spark ignited in my soul while I was on The Other Side, is still here. While I was jumping rope with Angels, awaiting my turn to hop onto the Heavenly Waterslide to meet my family that very first day, the day of my birth, that light was glowing within me then, just as it is now.

Holy smokes. That’s a long burning bulb.

This light illuminates even the darkest times… it is unconditional love, purity, and Divinity all rolled up into one like a Supreme Burrito from Super T’s. It will never leave me, give up on me, or taunt me for my mistakes. The Divine’s job is to purely love and accept me.


Thank you for this clarification. You guys are really good at your jobs. You must work on this. A. Lot.

Please excuse me, but I need to sit now, witness my thoughts, and watch my breath. Maybe if I get quiet enough, I will become successful at doing nothing. I am feeling hopeful. I can do this. I can do nothing.






How long will this take again?

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