I had a moment, gazing at wee Abby and Bella in matching Osh Kosh B’gosh overalls, perched in my Mama’s lap as she read them a book. Their wispy blond ponytails gathered in matching hair ties, brushing up against her cheeks. This photo literally stopped me and led me to ponder: oh my god, did I give them what they needed? It went by sooo slowly, and yet so quickly.
This moment of time, of perfection...was I even present?
No one can adequately prepare us for motherhood. If any sane woman knew the details of the job description, the planet would be s.p.a.r.s.e.l.y. populated.
That first decade of child rearing is like a fog:
There are no solid periods of sleep...
Days are monotonous, (and feel long- see number 1) often revolving around boobs, clean buns, your children’s needs, and the park.
You feel guilty because sometimes you seek more, but no one speaks of this. And so you are left alone with your own (Catholic) thoughts, thinking you are the only one.
And so Great One, I come asking a simple request, please help me remember...
Freshly changed babes and their intoxicating smell of hope, heaven and love.
Bobble headed newborns seeking out the boob, resembling baby birds. As the pecks begin to shift into sheer desperation and anger, you sing out, “I’m right here, hold a minute, I’m getting it out…”
Park days and playdates and sidewalk chalk, and bubbles. Walks around the block that seemed to take 80 years.
Naps when I laid down to snuggle and woke up an hour later spooning with my toddler.
Clinking of marbles into a jar with chores of teeth and hair brushed, and one on one time as reward.
Puppet shows and ladybug magic, and seeing anything for the first time.
Please help me remember. Please help me remember. Please help me remember…
And when my thoughts start to wonder if I did it right, or I did enough, or any other thoughts we have as primal mama bears...Creator, please help me remember, they are yours, and you are letting me borrow them. And wow, you must really trust me, because have you seen me lately?
And thank you. These girls are the hardest and BEST gift you ever gave me.
Happy early Mama’s Day to all you mama’s. I see you. I feel you. I am you.