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Before, During & After

Before I would leave little space while moving from one thing to the next, thinking that ‘busyness’ equated to ‘importance’.

Now I relish in the in-between, nowhere to be/do, Jimmy Buffet sunsets, feet in the sand, nobody but myself time.

Before I was militant regarding my diet - every single thing was counted and tracked.

Now I have actually learned to listen and trust how to fuel my body without judgment. I could get hit by a bus at any given moment, so therefore I eat chips and salsa whenever the fuck I feel like it. In fact, if you bring the margaritas, I’ll cue Buffet.

Before I thought that I had something to prove.

Now I realize I will not be everyone’s person, and that is okay.

Before I used to be afraid to surrender.

Uncertainty still makes me uncomfortable. Life’s complicated, intricate and Divinely woven threads are apparently tied together in some Cosmic tie rug kit from the local craft store.. I am neither consumer or buyer…rather witness to this majesty called life.

Before I used to think that boundaries would suffocate possibility.

Now I view them as a pathway to freedom.

Before I thought being a ‘good’ wife and mother meant keeping house, making dinner every night, and going to Mass on Sunday.

Now I realize that Tom and the girls came to teach me how to be present, flexible, and love hard and big under any and all circumstances.

Promise me we will keep learning together.

And be on the lookout for me passing you a note in class that says: hey wanna sit next to me at lunch today? And you passing one back that says: Absolutely. I’ll bring the chips and salsa.

Cheers to the befores, durings, and afters.

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