She Let Go
She let go.
She let go of cleaning the floor on her hands and knees, of oiling the kitchen cabinets, of vacuuming triangles into the carpet. She let go of ironing handkerchiefs and pillowcases, of never leaving a dirty dish in the sink, and even picking up the phone because she “should” when it rang.
It’s funny how Cancer can help someone do that.
She let it all go. Amazing grace found her in the most unexpected ways. She began to soften in all areas. She played more card games, bantering while enduring her daughter’s smack talk. She watched this same daughter become very silent, as she laid her cards down in yet another victory. Even Chemo couldn’t stop her.
She let go of any ideas of traveling too far from home. She was never really one for visiting uncharted territory with public toilets anyways. Your loss, Italy.
She let go of taking a bath after not being able to hurdle the side of the tub. This water basin that supported her while she soaked was her one true love - besides her one legged husband of 50 years. She sat in the Lazy Boy chair resting from 1-3 pm, rallying for a 5 o'clock mass at St. Rose. She was a Catholic through and through with a Kuan Yin statue in the backyard to prove it.
She let go of any rush, any minutiae, and really any bullshit that didn’t matter. She clung tight to her family. That love now was filling her in a completely different way than in the previous 70 years. That tidal wave love breathed her and kept her alive beyond anyone’s expectation. The Hospice doctor even had to come to the house 6 months into this love diagnosis, to indeed indicate, “Yes, she is still dying”.
She let go of her bowels. Her daughter sat sobbing at her bedside, knowing that this was something she never wanted anyone to clean but herself. She consoled her daughter, even while disappearing one small piece at a time.
She let go long enough to allow a Silver Fox to appear on this Earthly realm 3 days before her final transition. She let go while the daughter’s brother laid fast asleep, keeping watch, on the floor beside her. Her daughter wasn’t right there when “it” happened. Fully understanding the sacredness within such veils, one thing had become clear: she and her mom had become kindred, arriving at a place in their relationship that they never thought possible. They were one. That is how it would be now.
It’s funny how Cancer can help more than one person do that.
Happy 79th Birthday Foxy I am so glad you are my mom Michelle Francois Walsh
* My mom had this "thing" with finding coins on the ground, like maybe someone who had gone Home was stopping by to say Hi. Found this dime today on her birthday. Hey Mom...